Rengganis Rizka Prasanti We often forget to give ourselves the same amount of love and compassion we give to others.
Whether by harshly criticizing ourselves after making a mistake or not allowing ourselves to fail, many believe that we must set an impossibly high standard to succeed in life.
Little do we know that being too critical towards ourselves is detrimental to our mental health. A self-critical attitude warps our perception of our capability and lowers our self-esteem (Werner, Tibubos, Rorhmann & Reiss, 2019).
Self-compassion, or being kind to ourselves, is known to have various positive effects on our health and well-being. As a Reyo, how do we promote self-compassion to our users?
To dive in, let’s first understand what self-compassion is.
What is Self-Compassion?
Practicing self-compassion is known to have many benefits for our mental health. Some ways self-compassion is known to work its magic are by increasing positive emotions, lowering stress levels, helping us notice more possibilities in hard times, and motivating us to improve (Desmond, 2016).
Self-compassion itself is an attitude that involves treating oneself with warmth and kindness. Unlike self-criticism, self-compassion approaches difficult situations from a different perspective. Instead of being hard on ourselves, we acknowledge that it’s human to make mistakes, that we’ve all gone through hard times and we all want to find happiness.
Think of yourself as someone in need, like a friend or a family member going through hard times. Being self-compassionate means handing ourselves the same kindness we would’ve shown to others.
Some people may mistake self-compassion as being too soft or weak on ourselves. That is not the case, however. By helping us notice our potential for growth and the ways we can improve, self-compassion motivates us to learn from our past mistakes and grow as an individual.
Helping Others Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is a mindset known to have a positive impact on our well-being, and like any other habit, self-compassion is something that can be trained and learned.
As a Reyo, here are some practices we can introduce to our users to cultivate self-compassion in their everyday lives.
Reflect on Self-Critical Thoughts
Harsh self-critical thoughts are closely tied to psychological issues, such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
It is theorized that the more someone criticizes themselves, the more vulnerable they are to disorders, including feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and failure.
To some people, these thoughts may seem to be a natural course of action during a difficult situation. However, self-critical thoughts rarely lead to something productive. On the other hand, it makes us afraid to take the step towards making a change.
If the user is showing a pattern of self-criticism in the way they talk about themselves, listen and help them discuss with you:
- What makes them think that way? What are they struggling with? Is it a situation that’s happening now? A future situation or something in the past? Or maybe it’s their emotions or physical sensations that they’re experiencing? Help them identify the cause.
- What are those self-critical thoughts saying? Talk to them to identify the thoughts that appear in their mind. Most of them are likely to be hurtful or unkind towards themselves.
- How much do they believe the self-critical thoughts? What emotions are they feeling? What physical sensations or behaviors go with those feelings? Discuss with them if those thoughts seem real or not to them, how they feel about it, and if they act upon it or not. For example, thoughts of helplessness or worthlessness often make us feel sad, helpless, and tense.
Once they have successfully identified their self-critical thoughts and how those thoughts make them feel, assist them in relaxing and calming themselves down, especially if those thoughts make them feel anxious and tense.
Write Down A Compassionate Thought Journal
Self-compassion has to be trained regularly to become a response whenever self-critical thoughts arise and become a habit.
To practice self-compassion regularly, discuss with the user how they can do the same kind of reflection you just practiced whenever their self-critical thoughts start to rise again.
Once they’ve reflected on those thoughts, discuss how they can craft a more compassionate and helpful perspective to see those self-critical thoughts.
To help them keep track of these thoughts, guide them to write down a compassionate thinking journal. This journal will contain the self-critical thinking part:
- The trigger that makes them criticize themselves;
- What the self-critical thoughts are saying;
- The tone of voice the self-critical thoughts are using;
- How much do they believe those self-critical thoughts;
- The emotions they feel, how intense they are, and what physical sensations and/or behavior come with it.
Once they’ve written down and reflected on their self-critical thoughts, they may write down how to view the problem from a self-compassionate angle, such as:
- What their compassionate self will say about it;
- The advice they would give to a friend they care about if they’re in a similar situation;
- What the compassionate side of themselves want to say to the self-critical part;
- How to view the situation from a more helpful, kind, and/or realistic angle;
- How they will feel about the situation a long time from now; and
- How they can cope and look after themselves after viewing the problem from a different perspective.
By making it a habit to write down their self-critical thoughts whenever they arise and viewing them again from a self-compassionate perspective, they will slowly shift towards self-compassion once the same situation arises in the future.
Wrapping Up
The practice of self-compassion is proven to be beneficial for our well-being.
It’s our responsibility as a Reyo to not only provide a safe place for our users to talk about how they feel but to also assist them in finding better habits and a healthier, kinder perspective of themselves.
References:
Desmond, T. (2016). Five Ways to Put Self-Compassion into Therapy. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_put_self_compassion_into_therapy
Centre for Clinical Interventions (2019). Workbook – Building Self-Compassion. Retrieved from https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Self-Compassion
Werner, A. M., Tibubos, A. N., Rohrmann, S., & Reiss, N. (2019). The clinical trait self-criticism and its relation to psychopathology: A systematic review–Update. Journal of affective disorders, 246, 530-547.
