Rengganis Rizka Prasanti Everyone has different ways to deal with stressful days. Some seek other people to talk to, some look for their comfort food or watch their comfort movies, and some choose to tackle the source of stress right away.
These ways of dealing with stress are called coping. The strategies people choose to deal with their issues depend on different factors, ranging from personal preference to the nature of their problems.
As a Reyo, you will be listening to a wide variety of stories and lots of different personal issues as well. To be a better listener, it’s essential to understand everything about coping methods and how to help others find the right strategy for themselves.
How Many Coping Methods Are Out There?
Coping strategies are usually given broad categories based on traits that differentiate them. One of the most common ways to categorize coping methods is based on how they work, mainly by regulating the emotional reaction to the situation (emotion-focused) or by confronting the situation directly (problem-focused).
Emotion Focused Coping
As its name suggests, emotion-focused coping deals with the uncomfortable emotions that come with stressful situations.
For example, you had a big fight with a close friend and are currently feeling upset. An emotion-focused coping strategy can be watching a comfort movie, playing with your pets, or painting to calm yourself down.
These activities can get your mind off the problem temporarily, helping you calm down. Once you calm down, you can think of possible solutions to the problem with a clear mind.
Problem Focused Coping
With problem-focused coping, you choose to deal with the issue right away. An example of a situation would be exam week. With problem-focused coping, the strategies you choose will be to study in preparation for the exam, be it by making flashcards, reviewing with friends, or taking extra classes.
People usually choose problem-focused coping strategies in situations that they feel are still within their control. When they feel like the solution to their problem is still within their reach, they’ll prefer to handle it directly.
Helping Others with Coping
While everyone may have different ways to deal with their issues, it’s often more difficult to figure out which way fits us best when we’re on our own. We may end up depending on coping methods that are ineffective, or worse, maladaptive.
See more: The Do’s and Don’ts of Coping with Stress
Being part of Reyo means learning how to be a better listener. When you want to help others by giving them the right advice, the most important thing to do is to take a step back and listen.
1. Identify the issues
When you listen to others’ stories, it’s very easy to jump too quickly to a conclusion, which can make your suggestions or advice irrelevant and unhelpful.
Make sure to listen for the sole purpose of listening and understanding rather than to judge, ask questions, or directly give a piece of advice.
When you do find some parts of their story hard to understand, ask open-ended questions to make them feel more comfortable and talk more about their situation.
Once you feel that you’ve grasped enough details of their story, summarize and clarify to make sure you understood clearly. Asking clarifying questions can help them gain new insights about their situation, and may also help them find better solutions for themselves.
2. Find what they’re comfortable with
While we may do so unconsciously, sometimes we’re driven to give advice solely from our perspective: based on our experience, our environment and upbringing, and our personality. This can be a useful first step to understanding others, but before you can actually give useful suggestions, you’ll have to get to know them first.
For example, some people may need more social support than others. For these people, while many can get through difficult situations by directly taking the problem, they may first need time with their family or friends to gain support to tackle their issues.
3. Get to know their support system
Last but not least, a good support system is essential to cope with any problem. In a study examining the role of a support system on a group of women with breast cancer, it’s explained that a support system helps in motivating them to maintain their physical and emotional condition during hard times.
Help them identify their support system and suggest ways for them to communicate their need for support to tackle their issues. Ask them if they’ve faced similar hardships in the past and if they have, who they went to for support during those times.
If they aren’t sure about who they have now, make sure you can be part of that support system for them, or better, help them identify the people they do have in their life and how to ask for help from them.
Finding what coping methods work for you may not be as easy as it seems. Oftentimes, we may need a fresh perspective from others to see our problems in a different light and figure out new ways to deal with them better. As a Reyo, it’s an honor to have that role in people’s lives and help them cope better.
References:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Coping strategy. Retrieved from APA Dictionary of Psychology: https://dictionary.apa.org/coping-strategy
GoodTherapy. (2018, September 26). Coping Mechanisms . Retrieved from GoodTherapy: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/coping-mechanisms
Kim, J., Han, J. Y., Shaw, B., McTavish, F., & Gustafson, D. (2010). The roles of social support and coping strategies in predicting breast cancer patients’ emotional well-being: testing mediation and moderation models. Journal of health psychology, 15(4), 543–552. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105309355338
Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. (n.d.). How Do You Cope? Retrieved from UCLA: https://www.semel.ucla.edu/dual-diagnosis-program/News_and_Resources/How_Do_You_Cope
