Rengganis Rizka Prasanti A lot of people seem to think that they’re a good listener: They paraphrase, they nod, and they don’t interrupt. However, many still talk about how they feel to their closest friends and family members and still feel like they’re not understood.
For Reyos, being a good listener is not a plus, it’s a must. Since it’s our role to understand others wholly and give the right advice, let’s dive in deeper about what being a good listener truly is about.
What Makes Someone A Good Listener?
While a lot of people may like to say that they’re a good listener, the only people who can truly say if they’re a good listener or not are the people around them: Their family members, their friends, their coworkers.
A good listener does not listen to think of a reply, make comments, or judge. They may give advice when asked, but their main intention is to understand. Good listeners listen to fully take in what the other person has to say and understand their point of view.
Being a good listener is not exactly a talent or something you’re born with. Listening is a skill that can be learned and improved with regular practice. Here are some tips you can try out to improve your listening skills.
Tips to Improve Your Listening Skills
1. Reflect and ask questions
With the right goal in mind, asking questions can help you become a better listener. These questions should be asked with one goal in mind: To understand. Some people may miss the point and ask questions solely to look attentive, or even focusing too much on what they want to ask that they fail to pay attention to the speaker.
If you feel like there’s lots of missing points or the speaker hasn’t gotten everything out of their chest yet, ask clarifying, open-ended questions. Unlike closed questions that can only be answered with a “yes” or a “no”, open-ended questions keep the conversation flowing.
Other than by asking questions, you may also reflect by rephrasing the points that the other person has told you. This clears up any possible misunderstanding you may have and may even encourage the other person to elaborate. Oftentimes, reflection can also help the other person to understand themselves and their emotions better, and help them figure out a solution to their problem.
2. Pay attention to non-verbal cues
When someone is in the middle of emotional turmoil, there’s often a lot more that’s left unsaid, even when they actively seek others to talk to. Look for cues, such as if they’re avoiding eye contact, moving or shifting often in their seat, or from their facial expression. You can also notice these changes from the tone of their voice.
If their body language, facial expression or voice tone shows that they may not be okay, you can ask questions to encourage them to talk.
3. Encourage your partner
It’s hard to talk about problems that have been bothering you, especially if they’re tied to strong emotions. As a Reyo, you may sometimes encounter friends who hesitate to continue when they talk about their problems.
When they look like they’re unsure to continue or do longer pauses, make sure to let them know that you’re still around to listen. Encourage them through non-verbal cues, like nodding your head or leaning in, or by verbal feedback to show that you’re listening (like “mm-hm”, “uh-huh”, or “go on”).
Practicing your skills to become a better listener may not be easy, but starting early is better than not doing anything. In the end, it’s all about putting in work and empathy for people who need it.
References:
Cuncic, A. (2020, May 25). How to Practice Active Listening. Retrieved from Verywell Mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-active-listening-3024343
Lamothe, C. (2019, November 17). Become an Empathic Listener in 10 Steps. Retrieved from Healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/empathic-listening
Ohlin, B. (2021, April 12). Active Listening: The Art of Empathetic Conversation. Retrieved from Positive Psychology: https://positivepsychology.com/active-listening/
