The Do’s and Don’ts of Coping with Stress

Whether we’re aware of it or not, we all have our favorite methods of coping in stressful situations. What works for us may not work as effectively for others. Some may prefer going out with friends to blow off some steam, and some may choose to stay at home for time alone. Some may choose to directly tackle the problem right away, but others may need time to calm down before dealing with it.

While people may differ in what they prefer, some strategies or mechanisms are known to do more harm than good. These ways of coping can make you feel better or improve your mood for a short time, but they may cause bigger problems in the long run.

To make sure you’re choosing the right ways to cope with stress, we have to understand first what coping strategies are and how they work.  

What are Coping Strategies?

Stress is inevitable. It’s something that we will all experience in all walks of life. It’s also something that we all want to avoid. The emotions that come with stressful situations are not pleasant, and coping strategies are meant to help us deal with these situations better.

It is theorized that coping strategies develop in early childhood, as a way to respond to stress. We move from self-soothing behavior and seeking comfort from our caregivers to looking for ways to solve our problems on our own. 

Coping strategies can be directed towards the problem (problem-focused) or towards the uncomfortable emotions caused by the problem (emotion-focused). Most of us know when to choose which strategy depending on the situation and what’s causing the stress.   

However, in some situations, we can sometimes revert to maladaptive coping strategies. Maladaptive coping strategies are ways of coping that provide temporary relief, but can ultimately harm our wellbeing. These unhealthy coping strategies usually become a choice when a situation gets too stressful or hard to solve, and they become a problem once they grow into a habit.

To identify if your current coping strategies are healthy or not, here are the do’s and don’ts of coping strategies. 

The Don’ts

Don’t: Avoid the Issue

Some ways of coping involve tackling the problem directly, yet some may work by distancing themselves from the issue. Choosing which one depends on the situation, and some situations may require you to cope with a mix of both. While some degree of avoidance can help you have time off to think more clearly about the problem, it can cause a bigger problem once you start treating it as a be-all and end-all solution.      

Don’t: Put the Blame on Others

When a situation seemingly gets out of control, we might want to shift our responsibility to others. Shifting the blame to external factors, such as blaming the teacher for your bad grades, is a much easier thing to do than accepting that we need to do the work ourselves.

While not all aspects of our problems are within our control, putting too much weight on external factors limits our chance of growing. Blaming others too much can even lead to learned helplessness (Maier & Seligman, 1972), where we start to feel that we have no control over our situation, which can contribute to anxiety or depression. 

Don’t: Self-medicate 

In stressful times, some people may turn to alcohol or using drugs as temporary relief. Self-medication by using these substances won’t solve your problems, and may cause bigger issues such as addiction and other health or social-related problems.

If you self-medicate, you may see that the habit gets worse when you’re stressed or feeling anxious. However, using alcohol or drugs excessively and on a regular basis to make yourself feel better can end up making you feel worse.  

The Do’s

Noticing that you still do a lot of the activities in the “Don’ts” list doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. In fact, recognizing and admitting it is a good step towards growth and building a better habit. Here are some healthier coping methods you can try out. 

Do: Take Breaks

Taking a break is a form of emotion-focused coping method, where you focus on reducing the negative emotions that come with stress. While it doesn’t directly solve the problem you have, taking a break is essential to wind down from stress. Taking the time to care for yourself, relax, or doing things you like can help you decompress, think more clearly, and eventually come around to tackle the problems you have.

Do: Try Out Healthy Habits

Healthier habits, such as sleeping early, exercising regularly, and choosing healthier meals, will benefit so much more than just your physical health. A study by Harvard shows that having a balanced diet can boost your immune system, therefore providing you with enough energy to go through challenging times. Regular physical activity is also shown to lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels. 

Starting out small then building a regular schedule is proven to be the most effective way to start a new habit. 

Do: Talk About It

Some people may feel the urge to shut themselves in under stress. They may feel reluctant to reach out to their family and friends in fear of bringing additional burden. However, talking to others and asking for help when needed is a good way to cope with stress.

While you may initially be unsure, most of the time, your friends and family are willing to help out. Sometimes, figuring out a solution to your problem is easier to be done with the help of another perspective. 

However, depending on the situation, your closest friends and family may not always be available to help, especially when the problem is a shared situation such as exam week or family issues. Talking to strangers who have the intention to help may be better when the problems are something you feel that you can’t share with them. You can try out platforms such as Reyo to share your stories with.     

References:

Maier, S. F., & Seligman, M. E. (1976). Learned helplessness: theory and evidence. Journal of experimental psychology: general, 105(1), 3.

Morin, A. (2021, November 29). Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions. Retrieved from Verywell Mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/forty-healthy-coping-skills-4586742

Recovery Brands LLC. (n.d.). The Maintenance of Anxiety Disorders: Maladaptive Coping Strategies. Retrieved from MentalHelp.net: https://www.mentalhelp.net/anxiety/maladaptive-coping-strategies/

Sutton, J. (2022, January 26). Maladaptive Coping: 15 Examples & How to Break the Cycle. Retrieved from Positive Psychology: https://positivepsychology.com/maladaptive-coping/