Rengganis Rizka Prasanti Sometimes it’s easier to remember the negative things people have said about us than the positive. We may also believe negative comments more than positive ones, and even find it difficult to accept a compliment.
This tendency is called self-criticism, or the tendency to evaluate ourselves in a negative light (Naragon-Gainey & Watson, 2011).
There are many reasons why someone would be self-critical about themselves. They may think that they need “tough love” and higher standards for themselves to succeed, and will not accept anything less.
However, many of us are not aware that too much self-criticism is tied to psychological issues and can lead to disorders such as depression, social anxiety, and even eating disorders (Werner et al., 2019).
Understanding Self-Compassion
The American Psychological Association defines self-compassion as a non-critical stance toward ourselves, our inadequacies, and our failures.
It means being kind and extending the same amount of compassion towards yourself in times of hardship, not unlike the way you would towards close friends or family.
To be self-compassionate is to be warm and non-judgmental to yourself in difficult situations, recognizing that imperfection is part of being human, and taking a balanced view of your situation, without fixating too much on the negative aspects (Neff, 2011).
The Benefits of Self-Compassion
It is known that being overly critical of yourself is the sign of a deeper psychological issue, and can lead to depression or anxiety. Likewise, practicing self-compassion comes with many benefits.
Studies examining the practice of self-compassion show that people with higher self-compassion are more optimistic, more satisfied with their lives, appreciate their bodies more, perceive themselves as more competent, have better motivation, and are overall happier (Neff & Germer, 2017).
These studies also show that these effects are possible through both long-term and short-term intervention, which means that self-compassion can be taught. It is possible to learn and practice self-compassion in your everyday lives for better well-being.
What Is Not Self-Compassion?
While self-compassion means loving yourself, it does not mean turning down any attempts to improve yourself. Being kind to yourself means prioritizing long-term benefits above short-term gratification.
For example, a study about self-compassion among people with harmful alcohol use reports that by practicing self-compassion, their alcohol use is significantly reduced over time (Brooks, Kay-Lambkin, Bowman, & Childs, 2012).
Another study with smokers shows a similar result. Individuals who have been trained with self-compassion understand the struggles of quitting smoking, and are less likely to give up on reducing their smoking (Kelly, Zuroff, Foa, & Gilbert, 2009).
It is theorized that by being compassionate towards yourself, you are more likely to prioritize your long-term health than short-term indulgence.
Self-compassion is also not the same as self-esteem. Self-esteem often means rating yourself as better than others, valuing yourself “higher than average” and standing above the crowd.
Such is not the case with self-compassion. Self-compassion means knowing your worth without comparing yourself to others.
After all, a part of self-compassion is recognition of the common humanity or the understanding that we all have flaws, and challenges are a natural part of life (Neff & Germer, 2017).
Being kind to ourselves comes with lots of benefits for our physical and psychological health. It also means knowing ourselves wholly, with our positive aspects and our shortcomings.
If you were to treat yourself kindly through tough times, what would you like to say to yourself?
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References:
Brooks, M., Kay-Lambkin, F., Bowman, J., & Childs, S. (2012). Self-Compassion Amongst Clients with Problematic Alcohol Use. Mindfulness, 3(4), 308–317. doi:10.1007/s12671-012-0106-5
Kelly, A. C., Zuroff, D. C., Foa, C. L., & Gilbert, P. (2009). Who benefits from training in self-compassionate self-regulation? A study of smoking reduction. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29, 727-755
Naragon-Gainey, K., & Watson, D. (2012). Personality, structure. In Encyclopedia of Human Behavior: Second Edition (pp. 90-95). Elsevier-Hanley and Belfus Inc..
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self‐compassion, self‐esteem, and well‐being. Social and personality psychology compass, 5(1), 1-12.
Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2017). Self-compassion and psychological well-being. The Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science. c, 21, 371-390.
Werner, A. M., Tibubos, A. N., Rohrmann, S., & Reiss, N. (2019). The clinical trait self-criticism and its relation to psychopathology: A systematic review – Update. Journal of Affective Disorders, 246, 530–547. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2018.12.069
