Rengganis Rizka Prasanti When practicing our roles as Reyo, chances are we’ll meet and talk to people in varying situations. They may be going through rough patches in their lives, which can range from minor difficulties such as a bad grade or an argument with a friend to major life changes such as marriage or the loss of a loved one.
Talking to someone in grief may seem challenging at first, especially if you feel like you’ve never been through a similar situation. Even if you do, not everyone deals with their grief in the same way, and you may be wary of how you can offer your help the way they need.
Grief is a lonely and exhausting situation, and as Reyo, we want to make sure that our friends don’t have to go through it alone. If a friend seeks you out to talk about their grief, here are some things we need to know about grief and how to help them deal with it.
1. There is no one right way to grief
Sometimes, we may feel the need to draw comparisons to our own situation when we listen to others talk about theirs, especially if we have gone through a similar situation in the past. We may also find ourselves making judgements if we feel that they aren’t dealing with it the same way we did.
If you find yourself thinking about “the right way” they should react to the loss of their loved ones, take a step back and try to put yourself in their shoes. Losing your loved one is an emotionally taxing and fragile moment, and even the most well-intentioned gesture or advice can come across differently in these difficult times. Let them grief in their own way and offer your help in other ways, such as being there to listen.
2. Show empathy
This point may seem like a no-brainer, but in practice, showing empathy may be harder than it sounds. Empathy is defined as understanding or trying to take the perspective of what others are thinking or feeling in a certain situation (Stocks, 2012).
While understanding what others feel is one thing, trying to show this is an entirely different thing. Acknowledge their loss and try not to minimize how they’re feeling. Sentiments such as “They’re in a better place now” or “It’s for the best now” may be intended to ease their mind, but it may make them feel invalidated and isolated in their grief. Instead, we can show our empathy by assuring them that it’s okay to take their time to process their feelings.
Understand that while things may get better, it may be hard to see the silver lining at their current state and that it will take time for them to feel better.
3. Listen more, talk less
When talking to those in grief, our role as a listener is more important than the advice we give. Grief is highly personal and the way someone deals with their grief may be difficult for us to understand, which is why stopping and listening may be the best thing you can do for someone grieving.
Listening, asking follow up questions, and getting to know about their loved ones are the key to empathize with someone’s situation better. Encouraging them to talk about the deceased can also bring them comfort, as it helps them think about happy memories they had together, giving them time to process their emotions with ease.
4. Help them reflect on their grief
Another way to help your friends process their grief is through reflection. As everyone’s reaction to grief may be unique, reflecting on how they feel and how they react is a great way for them to understand themselves better.
When listening to them talking about their situation, ask follow-up questions such as:
- How does this situation make you feel?
- Have you encountered a similar situation?
- What do you usually do in situations like this?
Oftentimes, asking reflective questions will be more useful than giving advice from your own experience. Everyone’s experience may be unique and hard to generalize, especially when it comes to highly personal situations such as grief. It’s highly recommended that we only talk about our own experience when asked or if you see that your situations are highly similar.
5. Encourage to talk to loved ones
As Reyos, our role is to be a friend to talk to, oftentimes in difficult situations. While in some situations it will be easier for people to talk about their issues anonymously, when it comes to grief, it’s more beneficial to share your burden with close friends and relatives.
There are many reasons why people may be afraid to reach out to their loved ones to talk about their grief. They may feel that their friends and relatives are also grieving, and are reluctant to share in fear that they’re adding emotional burden. They may think that what they’re feeling now is “too much” for them. On the flip side, they may also think that their friends or family won’t understand how they feel at the moment.
When able, assure them that their loved ones are more than willing to help them out. It’s normal for those in grieving to not feel comfortable about talking too much or they may want to take some time alone, but in the end, cherishing the memory of the deceased will be better when shared with people who are closest to them.
References:
Harvard Medical School. (2019, July 18). Ways to support someone who is grieving. Retrieved from Harvard Health Publishing: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving
Mind.org.uk. (2019). Bereavement. Retrieved from Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/for-friends-and-family/
Smith, M., Robinson, L., & Segal, J. (2021, October). Helping Someone Who’s Grieving. Retrieved from HelpGuide: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm
Stocks, E.L. (2012). Encyclopedia of Human Behavior || Empathy. , (), 32–37. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-375000-6.00148-8
